


Blind

by Piper_Emerald



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Cynthia doesn't have a map but she's trying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Galaxy Gals, Happy Ending, M/M, Murphy siblings, Some angst, Tree Bros, because i said i wasn't gonna write another soulmate au but i lied, but you can tell that from the title, color soulmate au, connor is blind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 19:29:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11630343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piper_Emerald/pseuds/Piper_Emerald
Summary: Evan didn't care about seeing color. All he wanted was for someone to look him in the eye and say that they wanted to be with him. He longed for the moment where his eyes would meet that perfect person and they’d both realized they were meant for each other.So what is he supposed to do when his soulmate can't see it?





	Blind

Evan had been imagining what it would be like when he met his soulmate since he was a kid. He couldn’t help it. Ever since he was old enough to understand why he couldn’t see colors and most adults could, he’d conjured fantasy after fantasy.

Everyone did.

Him and everyone he knew had been told so many different stories of what it felt like, what colors most people saw first. As a kid, the thought of seeing color fascinated him. He remembered spending hours trying to imagine what they could possibly look like. For a long time, that was his and Jared’s favorite topic of conversation.

By his senior year of high school, Evan didn’t care about experiencing blue or red. All he wanted was for someone to look him in the eye and say that they wanted to be with him. He longed to hold someone’s hand, to have someone who promised that they would try to understand him if he’d only do the same for them. He wished for the moment where his eyes would meet that perfect person and they’d both realized they were meant for each other.

Like most things in Evan’s life, this moment didn’t happen the way Evan imagined it would.

He was at Zoe Murphy’s house. She was a year younger than him, but they were in the same environmental science class, and been forced to complete a group project outside of class. Alana Beck was there too. She wasn’t a part of their group, but Zoe had mentioned to her that neither of them understood the assignment and she was determined to help in some way.

They finished most of the work pretty quickly, and Zoe declared that they should take a break and go get ice cream. Evan didn’t really follow her logic, but he wasn’t about to complain. He was honestly just surprised that either of them wanted to spend any more time with him than they had to.

“I don’t have any money,” Alana informed Zoe.

“That’s fine, I can pay for it,” Zoe brushed off. “You can buy me dinner later or something.”

Alana laughed when Zoe winked ridiculously at her. Evan couldn’t tell if they were flirting or just joking around. He was never good at that sort of thing.

“Oh, is it okay if I bring my brother?” Zoe glanced at the both of them.

“Sure,” Alana said brightly.

“I didn’t know you had a brother,” Evan stated, because he was an idiot and didn’t know how to talk to people.

“Yeah, he’s about a year older than me,” Zoe told him before shouting: “Hey, asshole, we’re getting ice cream!” in the direction of the hallway.

“I don’t want any,” a voice shouted back.

“Too bad, mom says you need to get out of the house!” Zoe yelled.

“Fuck you!” the voice replied

“You can’t just go talk to him?” Alana asked.

“Screaming is our family’s hugging,” Zoe told her matter-of-factly, before turning to the hallway again. “Connor, come on, we’re leaving!”

A few moments later a tall boy walked into the room. The first thing Evan noticed was the sunglasses and the very unamused expression his actually very handsome face was twisted into. The next was the dark brown hair that gently curled around his head and met his shoulders.

It took a second for Evan to realize what this meant. Then he was falling. He was literally tripping on nothing, and face-planting into Zoe’s floor.

“Holy shit, are you okay?” Zoe kneeled next to him.

“I’m sorry,” he stammered, trying to pull himself up.

“What happened?” Evan’s soulmate asked.

“Evan, this is Connor,” Zoe gestured to her brother. “Connor, Evan.”

“Hi,” Evan blurted.

“You remember Alana, right?” Zoe asked.

“Yeah,” Connor nodded. “Hey.”

“Hi,” Alana chirped.

Evan just stood there. Everything was so clear. Zoe’s flannel was dark pink, and her room’s wallpaper was a creamy shade of yellow. Evan could see the bright purple frame of Alana’s glasses, the soft blue of the flowers sitting on Zoe’s desk. Everything was beautiful, everything was breath taking, and—

“Evan?” Zoe and Alana were looking at him. “You ready to go?”

And Connor couldn’t see it.

“Yeah,” he stammered, following them out of the room.

He needed to tell Connor. He needed to shout it. He needed to say something.

“Are you okay?” Connor questioned, when they made it to Zoe’s car. Connor and Evan had been ushered to the backseats, while Zoe and Alana bickered over what music they were going to play for the drive.

“Oh, um, yeah,” Evan stuttered. “I’m fine.”

“If you say so,” Connor leaned back in his seat.

He was beautiful. Everything from the brown hair, to the soft skin, to the not as soft jawline. He looked like a model. He looked like every storybook prince Evan had ever imagined. Evan wanted to blurt all of this, but his voice wouldn’t work. How do you tell someone you’re their soulmate? Well, most people didn’t have to. Most people both knew at the same time.

What if Connor didn’t believe him? What if he thought Evan was playing some sort of sick joke on him? What if he got mad? Then Zoe would kick him out, and then he’d never see Connor again. He couldn’t handle that. He couldn’t live the rest of his life in color but not with the person who’d given it to him. That might actually kill him.

“Seriously, I can hear you hyperventilating from here,” Connor’s voice cut through his thoughts.

“I’m sorry,” Evan flinched.

“Don’t be,” Connor said slowly.

He was weirded out. Evan was weirding his soulmate out. God, he was such a pathetic loser.

“Zoe, can you please slow down,” Connor said loudly. It was like he was trying to talk over Evan’s breathing. Neither of the girls had noticed their conversation. They hadn’t noticed that Evan was trying very hard not to start shaking.

“We’re almost here,” Zoe told him.

“Alana, is she lying?” Connor demanded.

“No, we’re a block away,” Alana replied.

“I’m offended you don’t trust me,” Zoe teased.

“That was my intent,” Connor told her dryly.

He was smirking. Evan was staring. Then again, it didn’t really matter if he stared, Connor couldn’t tell, and Zoe and Alana weren’t paying any attention to him.

“I’m waiting in the car,” Connor declared when Zoe pulled into a parking stall.

“Seriously?” Zoe groaned. “I’m not eating ice-cream while driving, I’m gonna spill it.”

“And I care because?” Connor’s smirk widened.

“Fine, stay in the car by yourself,” Zoe sighed. “We can buy yours while we’re leaving. Come on, guys.”

“I can wait here too,” Evan piped up.

Zoe gave him a surprised look.

“You sure?” she asked.

Evan nodded.

“I’m gonna lock it,” she warned.

“That’s fine,” Evan said.

“Okay,” Zoe shrugged.

Evan watched her and Alana leave. He felt a mix of relief and fear. Honestly, he hadn’t been very excited at the idea of having to order ice-cream for himself in the first place. He hated trying to quickly figure out what he wanted and explain it to the person behind the counter. He almost always stammered over his words, and ended up wanting the floor to just swallow him.

Part of him was overjoyed to be in a car alone with his soulmate. The part of him that actually had a brain was scared to death.

“Can I ask what’s wrong?” Connor started.

“Nothing really,” Evan knew this was the perfect time to tell him the truth.

They were alone, so if he thought the wrong thing and mad, then at least they wouldn’t have an audience. But Evan didn’t know Connor. He didn’t know if he was a guarded person. He didn’t know how likely it was that Connor would just believe him. Now that he thought about it, how did anyone know how to talk to their soulmate when they first found them?

“You’re a really bad liar,” Connor informed him.

“Oh,” Evan didn’t know what to say to that. “How come I don’t know you? I mean, I haven’t seen you in school before.”

“That’s probably because I don’t go to your school,” Connor stated dryly.

“Right,” Evan laughed nervously.

“I’m homeschooled,” Connor told him. “Public schools don’t really get how to deal with me.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Evan mumbled.

“You know Zoe from school?” Connor asked him.

“Yeah,” Evan nodded then realized how pointless doing that was. “We, um, have a group project.”

“Right,” Connor said. “You’re not hyperventilating anymore.”

“I’m not,” Evan could feel his lips curve into a smile.

“She said your name was Evan?” Connor asked.

“Yeah,” Evan said quickly. “Evan Hansen.”

“Nice to meet you Evan Hansen,” Connor was smirking again. “I’m Connor.”

“Hi, Connor,” Evan laughed again.

“You know, Zoe’s friends don’t usually talk to me,” Connor sighed. “Not that I want most of them to, don’t get me wrong, but they usually think that just because I can’t see them—”

“You’re not listening,” Evan finished.

“Yeah,” a thoughtful look crossed over Connor’s face.

“I know it’s not the same,” Evan started. “It’s no where near the same, but I’m kinda an outcast at school. People don’t talk to me, I’m usually just there in the background. I guess I make it kinda hard to, since I don’t really know how to talk without saying to much, or not enough—”

“Talking is hard,” Connor silenced the babble.

“Yeah,” Evan rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. He hadn’t meant to start rambling. That was probably the most embarrassing thing he could do right now.

“And people suck,” Connor declared.

Evan laughed.

“They’re gonna take a long time,” Connor told him. “They usually lose track of time when they’re flirting.”

“So they’re not joking?” Evan asked.

“Why would soulmates joke about like each other?” Connor asked back.

Evan didn’t know how to respond.

“Shit,” Connor said under his breath. “Don’t tell her I said that. Fuck. I thought she was just not telling our parents. I’m an idiot.”

“It’s okay,” Evan said quickly. “I won’t tell her.”

“Thanks,” Connor sighed.

“Why, um,” Evan stammered, then stopped himself. This really wasn’t any of his business, he should just shut up. Connor didn’t mean to tell him anyway, so why on earth would he want to explain anything remotely personal to someone he’d just met a few minutes ago. “Never mind.”

“My parents aren’t super accepting,” Connor stated.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Evan murmured.

“Yeah, but I dropped half of it, so I’d be an ass if I didn’t,” Connor told him matter-of-factly.

“Oh,” Evan said.

“Well, it’s not that they’re not accepting,” Connor corrected. “It’s complicated.”

“Right,” Evan was pretty sure he understood.

“I think she should just tell them,” Connor admitted. “I mean, it’s not like she can choose who her soulmate is, right?”

“Yeah,” Evan agreed.

“And my dad’s not that much of an ass to have a problem with it,” Connor added. “Don’t tell her I said that either.”

“My lips are sealed,” Evan wondered if Connor could hear his grin.

He liked this. Talking to Connor wasn’t like talking to other people. He was starting to lose the fear that Connor was judging him based on what he was saying, and he wasn’t worried that his ticks were annoying him. Connor couldn’t see Evan fidgeting, and maybe if he could he wouldn’t care.

“She’ll get over it eventually,” Connor kept going. “Or she’ll think she can actually wait for me to find my soulmate.”

“What?” Evan was barely able to get out.

“I’m gay,” Connor stated.

“Okay,” Evan wasn’t sure how to respond.

“She thinks eventually I’ll find that random person that I’m supposed to be with, and we can both come out together,” Connor explained.

“Oh,” Evan could feel his heartbeat speeding up.

“It’s stupid,” Connor stated.

Something in Evan’s stomach dropped.

“Why?” he uttered.

“Um, incase you haven’t noticed, I’m blind,” Connor said blandly.

“But,” Evan tried to make his voice steady. “That doesn’t mean you don’t have a soulmate.”

“You sound like Zoe,” Connor snorted. “I’m never gonna see colors.”

“But whoever your soulmate is will,” Evan argued.

“And they’ll take one look at the freak I am and be glad I can’t see that I’m their’s,” Connor said darkly. Evan felt his throat go dry. The anger on Connor’s face melted slightly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to explode at you.”

“No,” Evan sputtered. “It’s fine.”

“If you haven’t noticed, I’m kinda a pessimist,” Connor added.

“I, um,” Evan forced the words to come out. “I don’t think you’re right.”

“About being a pessimist?” Connor snorted. “Oh, trust me, never once have I thought the glass was half full.”

“No, I believe that,” Evan told him. “I mean, about your soulmate.”

“Right,” Connor’s tone was still dry.

“You don’t know them,” Evan argued. “How do you know they don’t want to be with you? They might you love the second they see you and just not know how to say it.”

“Dude, calm down,” Connor’s voice was softer now.

Evan felt his blood run cold. He hadn’t meant to say that. Did he even mean that? Sure, he wanted to be with Connor. He’d wanted to be with his soulmate since he was a kid. He wanted to tell him that he didn’t think he was a freak, and that he liked talking to him. He didn’t love Connor the second he saw him, but he wanted to love him. He wanted the chance to.

“I’m sorry,” Evan sputtered. “I shouldn’t have—”

“You’re really nice,” Connor murmured. “I bet your soulmate feels really lucky.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Evan mumbled.

“Oh, sorry,” Connor said quickly. “It just seemed like you were talking from experience.”

“No,” Evan stammered. “I’m very much single.”

He felt his face go red. Why had he said it like that? Connor chuckled under his breath. Evan looked away from him, letting his eyes travel out the window. The ice-cream shop sign was neon green. Evan was fairly certain it had been painted by someone who hadn’t found their soulmate yet.

“Zoe and Alana are coming back,” Evan noticed.

“About time,” Connor replied.

Evan swallowed. Of course he was glad they were done getting the ice cream. Why would he want to be stuck in a car with Evan? Maybe it was a good thing Connor didn’t know they were soulmates.

“You should hang out with Zoe more often,” Connor told him.

“Why?” Evan didn’t understand.

“So I can talk to you,” Connor grinned.

Evan felt like he was flying.

“You know,” he stammered. “I could just visit you. Might make things a little easier.”

“Okay,” Connor looked surprised. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Great,” Evan smiled at him. He hoped that maybe Connor could feel it.

The next day he left school with Zoe and Alana. Zoe had been surprised, but exceedingly excited, that Evan wanted to hang out with her brother. That reaction made him a little sad. Evan realized that Connor probably didn’t have anyone to talk to aside from Zoe and his parents. By Evan’s third visit the family’s dynamic still confused him. He had only met Zoe and Connor’s mother, who kept trying to insist Evan stay for dinner. Evan never minded the request, but Connor always brushed her off.

“It would be weird,” Connor tried to explain when Evan asked about it.

“How?” Evan wondered.

“They’re just weird, okay?” Connor looked agitated.

“Right,” Evan didn’t believe that, but he wasn’t going to push.

“You can if you want to,” Connor’s voice didn’t hide his reluctance.

“You don’t want me to,” Evan understood. “So I won’t.”

“It’s just,” Connor started, then winced. “This is gonna sound bad.”

“Say it,” Evan told him. “I don’t judge, you know that.”

Connor sighed.

“I kinda like having something that’s just mine,” he blurted.

Evan could feel himself blushing, he could feel his heartbeat speed up. His mind replayed Connor calling Evan his over and over.

“I’m sorry,” Connor read Evan’s silence wrong. “Did I ruin it?”

“I am,” Evan let the words fall from his lips. “Yours, I mean.”

Connor smiled. Evan wanted to tell him how gorgeous he looked when he smiled like that, but he didn’t. He didn’t say anything.

At this point, Evan didn’t know what he was hiding from. Every time Connor looked at him, his heart hurt a little bit. He knew that Connor liked his company, more importantly than that Connor trusted him. He could tell him anytime he wanted. But he missed every chance he got, until he had to face the problem he’d created.

What if he couldn’t explain to Connor why he hadn’t just said something in the first place? What if Connor hated him for it? Or worse yet, Connor might think that Evan didn’t want him.

He was awake in bed one night, his mind repeating the same worries over and over in his mind, when he received an out of the blue call from Zoe.

“Thank God you’re awake,” Zoe sounded like she’d been crying.

Evan launched into a panic. Something was wrong, something bad had happened. Connor told him about his depression, and he hadn’t had to tell Evan about the self hatred. But he’d also said that things were getting better. He’d said that he didn’t want to die like he once had. Just that day he’d hugged Evan, he’d said he was happy.

“I need your help,” Zoe was saying.

“What’s going on?” Evan couldn’t hide the fear from his voice. “Is it Connor? Is he alright?”

“Yeah,” Zoe said quickly. “Well, no, he’s not alright, but he’s not hurt if that what you’re—”

Her voice cut off.

“Zoe?” Evan could feel himself still shaking.

“He wants to talk to you,” she stated. Evan could hear her handing the phone over.

“Hey,” Connor was forcing a light tone.

“Are you okay?” Evan all but demanded.

“Dude, calm down,” Connor laughed. It sounded like he was trying very hard not to cry. “I kinda need a favor.”

“Yeah?” Evan wanted to tell Connor he’d do anything for him.

“I might have gotten kicked out of my house,” Connor stated.

“What?” Evan gaped at the phone. He could hear Zoe saying something in the background but couldn’t make out the words.

“Okay, fine. I didn’t get kicked out, I just got in a fight with my dad again,” Connor sighed.

“Right,” Evan mumbled. He knew Connor and his father didn’t always get along.

“And then he stormed out of the house,” Zoe shouted.

“Yeah,” Connor laughed again. “My mom started freaking out, so Zoe ran after me.”

“Are you going back?” Evan asked.

“Fuck no,” Connor scoffed. “Maybe tomorrow, but not right now. I can’t.”

“Okay,” Evan breathed. “Do you want to stay at my place? That’s why you called, right?”

“Yeah,” Connor admitted. “Thanks, you’re a life saver.”

“I know,” Evan smiled. “I’ll text Zoe the address.”

Zoe only stayed long enough to make sure Connor made it through the door. She whispered something to Evan about needing to sneak back into her house. He just nodded. She didn’t want Connor to think he was burdening her. Evan’s mother had a late shift, but he’d texted her explain most of the situation. She knew about Connor, or, at least, she knew he had a friend who didn’t go to their school because he was blind. She didn’t know that Connor was his soulmate. Evan hadn’t even been able to tell Jared that, and he automatically told Jared everything.

“I can get a sleeping bag,” Evan told Connor when they reached his room. “Or I could sleep on my couch, if you want to be alone.”

“You don’t have to,” Connor said softly. “I’ll go on the ground. Seriously, I don’t want to inconvenience you.”

“You’re not,” Evan squeezed his hand. “I’m glad you felt you could come here. Whenever you need someone, I’m here for you.”

“Evan, there are so many things wrong with me,” Connor whispered.

Evan sat him down on his bed. He let Connor crumple into him. He ignored that he felt like he’d been waiting so long to hold him like this. This wasn’t about Evan’s feelings, it was about Connor.

“You’re sick,” Evan whispered. “There’s nothing wrong with that. A lot of people are. _I_ am.”

“Do you know how much money my parents have to spend to accommodate for me?” Connor hissed. “They can’t deal with blind and sick.”

“They’re your parents,” Evan murmured.

“And then I have to scream that I’m gay and make everything worse,” Connor groaned.

“You what?” Evan nearly gasped.

“I got mad at something my dad said,” Connor sighed. “He’s not homophobic. His parents were, so sometimes he says stuff that I guess wouldn’t be offensive if I wasn’t a fucking fag.”

“Do not call yourself that,” Evan said sternly.

“He’s gonna hate me now,” Connor’s voice broke.

Evan had never seen Connor cry before. For a moment his brain was panicking. He didn’t know what to do. But before he could fully freak out, his body was moving on it’s own. He was wrapping his arms around Connor and rubbing his fingers in small circles along his arms.

“You should take the glasses off,” Evan told him softly. All they were doing was collecting tears.

“You don’t want to see my eyes,” Connor said in a dark voice.

“Yes I do,” Evan gently pulled the sunglasses off Connor’s face and placed then on his nightstand.

He tried not to stare. Even if Connor couldn’t see him, he knew it was rude considering how self conscious Connor felt about his eyes. Still, Evan couldn’t help it. He’d never seen a blue more piercing and so soft at the same time. Connor’s eyes were a contradiction. They were everything they couldn’t be bottled together. Evan wondered if Connor knew about the tiny conner of brown in the corner of his right eye.

“Stop looking,” Connor covered his face.

“You’re beautiful,” Evan said before he could stop himself.

“Stop it,” Connor stayed shielded.

“I’m not saying it to make you feel better,” Evan told him. Slowly, he pulled Connor’s hands away from his face. “I’m saying it because it’s true. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”

Connor kissed him first. It wasn’t smooth and it wasn’t deep, but it made Evan’s heart feel like he was about to burst. Connor pulled away too fast. Evan could see doubt on his face. He didn’t want to ever see that.

When Evan kissed Connor it didn’t feel unsure, it felt like everything he’d been longing to say was blending into action. They fell back onto the bed, Evan on top of Connor. Everything was blurred into a bliss Evan didn’t think was possible. He could feel Connor’s hands on him. Connor was everywhere, he was breathing him in.

Evan wasn’t entirely sure when his shirt was pulled off, or when he’d reached for the buckle of Connor’s pants. All he knew was that he didn’t want to stop. He didn’t want any of this to stop.

“I can’t do this.” Connor voice pushed Evan backwards.

“I’m sorry,” he stammered. “I shouldn’t have—Oh God, I can’t believe I—that’s not why I let you stay over, I promise! Connor, I’m so sorry—”

“Don’t be,” Connor’s hands found his. “It’s not that I want to stop. Actually, I think I might be in love with you, Hansen.”

“I don’t understand,” Evan murmured.

“You have someone out there for you,” Connor told him. There were tears in his eyes again. “You’re not gonna find them with me dragging you down.”

“No,” Evan uttered.

“Thanks for everything,” Connor stood up. “But I should go home. I need to talk to my parents.”

“Connor,” Evan grabbed him. “I’m your soulmate.”

He watched his words pass through Connor. He saw shock, then a flicker of hope that was quickly diminished by doubt.

“It’s okay,” Connor told him. “That’s nice of you to lie, but—”

“I’m not lying,” Evan heard his voice break with a sob but he didn’t care. “I love you.”

“Evan, please,” Connor pushed him off of him. “Let me do the right thing for once in my life.”

“The first color I saw was your hair,” Evan rambled. “It’s brown. That’s why I tripped when I saw you.”

“I need to go,” Connor was pulling his phone out of his pocket. He was going to call Zoe and run away. Evan was going to lose him.

“Connor, I know you felt that too just now,” Evan knew he was shouting. “When I kissed you it felt like nothing was ever going to hurt again. You think that’s normal? It’s not. It’s what it feels like when you’re with the one person who’s supposed to always be with you.”

“Stop it,” Connor’s voice wasn’t loud. That might have been why it shook Evan so much. It was too low, too controlled.

“Please,” Evan whispered.

“I need to go home,” Connor told him. “I’m going to wait in your living room. Please stay here.”

“Your eyes are blue,” Evan said hoarsely. “But your right eye has this flicker of brown.”

“Goodbye, Evan.”

Evan didn’t follow Connor into the other room. Instead he collapsed onto his floor. He tried to force himself to breath, but he felt like everything was caving down on him. He couldn’t take it. It was going to crush it and a part of him wanted it to. He had fucked up the only thing right he was ever going to get. The world could burry him now.

Evan couldn’t find Zoe the next day at school. Alana told him not to try to talk to either sibling. She explained that she couldn’t say much, but the family was going through a rough patch and needed some space from everything. Evan knew that by family she meant Connor and by everything she meant him.

He waited a week in a slowly stinging agony before he couldn’t take it anymore and showed up on the Murphy’s doorstep. Connor’s mother didn’t look very surprised to see him. She let him in, but said that he couldn’t go to Connor’s room right now.

“Is he okay?” Evan blurted, automatically assuming the worse.

“He’s fine, honey,” her eyes were sympathetic. “I just need to talk to you before you see him, if that’s alright.”

Evan nodded. He didn’t know what Connor had told his mother about him. He followed her into the kitchen and sat down at the table. She didn’t look angry. He’d take that as a good sign.

“A few nights ago,” she started. “Connor stormed out. He said Zoe took him to your house.”

“Yeah,” Evan confirmed.

“He also said that you told him you were his soulmate,” she was watching his expression carefully.

“I am,” Evan’s voice was smaller than he meant it to be. “He doesn’t believe me, but I wouldn’t lie to him.”

“I know you’re not lying,” she said softly. “I never told him about the brown spot in his eye, but he said that you rambled about it.”

“I just wanted him to believe me,” Evan whispered.

“Why didn’t you tell him to begin with?” she questioned. She looked confused, but not accusing.

“I didn’t know how,” Evan stammered. “I was scared he’d think I was messing with him.”

She nodded thoughtfully.

“You know,” a sad look passed over her face. “We pulled him out of school in second grade because one of his classmates had teased him about being blind.”

“He never told me,” Evan mumbled.

“I’m pretty sure he got teased a great deal, but never let me find our about it,” she sighed. “But this one drove him to his breaking point.”

“What did they say?” Evan asked.

“That he’d never find his soulmate,” her voice wavered. “His teacher wasn’t very compassionate. She told them both to be quiet and get back in line. He snapped. That was the first time he ever snapped. He tried to throw a printer at her.”

“Oh,” Evan’s eyes widened.

“He only managed to knock it onto her foot,” she said as if this lessened the offense. “After that his father and I thought it would be better to pull him out of school.”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded.

“Maybe we sheltered him too much,” she said.

“He’s a good person,” Evan told her.

“I know,” she smiled sadly. “He’s in his room. Go talk to him.”

“Thank you,” Evan smiled at her.

He knocked once on the door.

“Fuck off, Zoe,” he heard Connor yell from the other side.

“It’s not Zoe,” Evan stated.

There wasn’t a response. Slowly, Evan opened the door. Connor was sitting at his desk. There was a book in front of him. Evan never knew what book Connor was reading, only that he had a new one every few days. Connor got bored a lot, and he liked to read when he needed a distraction.

“I’m guessing asking you to leave won’t do any good,” he muttered.

“It won’t,” Evan closed the door behind him. “What can I say to make you believe me?”

“I don’t know,” Connor whispered. “It’s not that I don’t want to.”

“Then what is it?” Evan leaned against the desk.

“You could do so much better,” Connor uttered.

“Better than my soulmate?” Evan questioned.

“What if it’s wrong?” Connor pushed.

“It’s not,” Evan said firmly. “I love you.”

“My mom told me the thing about my eye,” Connor murmured.

“Yeah?” Evan let hope creep into him.

“You know what a mess I am,” Connor said.

“You’re not a mess,” Evan meant this. “And I’d want you even if you were. I’d want you no matter what.”

“Why didn’t you just say something when we met?” Connor asked. Evan knew the doubts in his mind.

“Would you have honestly believed me?” Evan asked him. “I couldn’t risk you thinking I was some jerk trying to make fun of you.”

“You could have convinced me,” Connor said softly.

“I didn’t know you,” Evan reminded him. “I didn’t know how.”

“You were scared,” Connor stated.

“I was scared you were gonna walk away from me,” Evan choked on the words. “But now I know that I don’t have to let that happen. Connor, I don’t care if you don’t believe me right now. I’ll convince you some how. I’m not going away. If you kick me out I will wait outside your door as long as it takes.”

“I,” Connor took a breath. “I felt something weird when we first met.”

“Really?” Evan’s heartbeat quickened.

“It was when I heard your voice,” Connor admitted. “And when I could tell that you were freaking out. I didn’t know why, but I knew I wanted to help you. I never think that about anyone.”

“You did help,” Evan whispered.

“That’s why I pretended I wanted to wait in the car for Zoe and Alana,” Connor said. “I figured you’d decide to stay behind to.”

“You,” Evan stammered. “You did that because you wanted to talk to me?”

“Yeah,” Connor laughed slightly. “Stupid, right?”

“No,” Evan told him. “Not stupid. Very smooth, actually.”

“You promise this is real?” Connor’s voice was softer now.

“Yes,” Evan took his hands.

“Even knowing everything that’s wrong with me?” Connor added.

“Nothing is wrong with you,” Evan said as gently as he could. “You need help, and we’ll get it, okay?”

“I don’t deserve you,” Connor whispered.

“You do,” Evan stated.

“Can I kiss you?” Connor asked, his voice hesitant.

“Yes,” Evan got out before his lips collided with Connor’s.

In that moment, he knew that Connor believed him. There was no way he’d ever doubt that this feeling wasn’t real. Connor may not have been what Evan imagined as a kid when he pictured his soulmate, but that didn’t matter. Connor was a thousand times better, and Evan would do everything he could to keep holding his hand and telling him that he wanted to be with him.


End file.
